First, let me say how very sorry I am for your loss.  I know it hasn’t been easy.  I’m glad you’ve found me. 

Grief is one of the most common reasons people seek therapy. There are few events in life more painful and overwhelming than the death of someone important to us.  The death of someone we care about often brings up difficult and complex emotions.  Good, meaningful grief counseling will help you come to terms with these emotions.

What to Expect

Grief counseling with me is a place to come and talk, without judgement and without timetables.  It’s a place to help me get to know the person you have lost and for us to honor them – with tears, laughter, or smiles.  It’s a place to rediscover a path forward that honors their memory – one that is both meaningful and hopeful. 

Learning to manage grief is difficult and complex. It’s common to feel overwhelmed, unable to imagine life after loss. It is a weight we learn to carry as we continue to move through life. That’s why it can be important to seek support.  Grief counseling can help us to:

·      Work through complicated emotions

·      Hold our memories with care, not pain

·      Discover a way forward without leaving the memory of our loved one behind

·      Understand our personal journey of grief

·      Be patient, compassionate, and kind to ourselves

Symptoms of Grief

People can experience a broad range of emotions as they work through grief:

• Thoughts of confusion, disbelief, and hoping that this is all just a dream.  There may be a sense of unreality.  You might experience feeling numb, out of your body, or in a fog

• Feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, emptiness, loneliness, fear, or anxiety

• Physical reactions like problems sleeping, eating, and concentrating.  Some people will feel tired or exhausted.

Some signs your grief might be more complicated include:

• Having trouble carrying out normal daily routines

• Isolating from others and withdrawing from social activities

• Experiencing depression, deep sadness, guilt, or self-blame

• Believing you did something wrong or could have prevented the death

• Feeling life isn’t worth living

A Word About the Five Stages of Grief

 You might have heard of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief.  But what are they and does grief really follow a series of steps?  The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are often talked about as is they happen in order, moving from one stage to another.  But in fact, Kubler-Ross emphasized that the stages are non-linear – people can experience these aspects of grief at different times and they do not happen in a particular order.  You might not even experience all of the stages.  I do think it’s helpful to see these aspects of grief as points on a compass – to orient you to your grief and to remind you that what you are feeling is perfectly normal.

Denial: Feeling a sense of disbelief, numbness, or unreality is common in the early days.  Some people might carry on as if nothing has happened or might focus on tasks to avoid feelings.  Even though we know with our heads that someone has died, it can be hard to believe that they are not coming back.

Anger: Anger is natural after someone dies and can take many forms ranging from frustration to rage.  Death can seem cruel and unfair, especially when they have died suddenly or before their time.  It’s also common to feel anger towards the person who has died or anger towards ourselves for something we felt we did or didn’t do.

Bargaining: When we’re in pain, it’s sometimes hard to accept that there is nothing we can do to change things.  Bargaining is when we find ourselves going over and over things that happened in the past and asking “what if” questions, believing we could have changed things and things would have worked out differently.

Depression: Sadness and longing are what we think of most often when we think about grief.  The pain can be intense and can come in waves over months or even years.  Life may feel like it no longer holds any meaning which can be scary and disorienting.

Acceptance: Grief comes in waves and it can feel like nothing will ever be right again.  But gradually most people find that the pain of grief eases and we begin to accept what has happened.  We learn to live again while keeping memories of the person we have lost close to us.

Tips if you’re not yet ready for counseling:

If you’re not quite ready to begin counseling, it’s still important that you prioritize looking after yourself.  I invite you to consider the following:

• Give yourself space to reflect and explore your thoughts and feelings.  Journaling can help.

• Be patient.  Allow time to heal without setting deadlines. 

• Delay making any major life decisions or changes, if you can. 

• Find ways to release stress.  Doing something creative, listening to music, or spending time with others can all help.  Consider meditation, relaxation, or breathing techniques. 

• Get adequate rest, nutrition, and exercise

• Talk to friends or family about what you’re going through

• Consider joining a grief support group